Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity is a relatively new term used to describe a harmful and unrealistic expectation that people should always maintain a positive attitude, regardless of the circumstances they are facing. This can be harmful because it can lead to individuals feeling invalidated, guilty and ashamed for experiencing negative emotions.

It often shows up in phrases like “just stay positive,” “everything happens for a reason” or “look how lucky you are compared to others.” These phrases may come from good intentions and seem harmless enough but they often silence people who need space to process pain.

While positivity can be a helpful mindset, it becomes toxic when it dismisses or invalidates real emotional experiences. Not every situation has a silver lining and pretending it does can make people feel ashamed for feeling angry, sad or overwhelmed. Over time, this pressure to “stay upbeat” can cause people to hide what they’re really going through which makes it harder to process emotions in a healthy way.

Toxic positivity also contributes to a culture of competition and comparison, where struggle is treated like failure and vulnerability feels unsafe. If you’re constantly told to think happy thoughts, you might start believing that your pain is something to fix rather than something to understand. You might avoid talking about your feelings, convince yourself that things aren’t “bad enough” or feel guilty for not bouncing back quickly. These are heavy burdens to carry, especially alone.

What actually helps people cope is not forced optimism but permission to just feel. Emotional honesty allows space for both joy and pain without needing to immediately reframe or minimize one side. Support sounds more like “I hear you” or “that sounds really hard” than “at least it’s not worse.” And when you’re the one struggling, it’s powerful to remind yourself that bad days don’t make you a bad person. They make you human.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to stay hopeful. Positive thinking can be a useful tool in managing stress and improving overall well-being. But when positivity skips over pain, it stops being helpful and starts becoming harmful. Real support doesn’t come from shutting down difficult emotions. It comes from making room for them.

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